You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
cat food counts as protein by the way
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
