I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
