when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize