Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
