You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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