I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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