I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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