Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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