I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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