hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i already hear my dad disowning me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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