this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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