yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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