so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize