talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
