you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
