Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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