Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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