If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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