you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
