you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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