can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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