You just made me feel so damn special
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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