so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
