I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
