i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
