No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize