i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
