i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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