My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize