Your dad touched me again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
