my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
