Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
