can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
