Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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