Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
