well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
