he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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