Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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