Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
