and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
