How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
