I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
