when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
