We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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