so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
