nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
