I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No subtext here. People are naked.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
