she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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