Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
