yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
