I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Randomize
