My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize