He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
