I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
