Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
