I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
