I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
