Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
