Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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