I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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