He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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