I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
