fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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