oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
